Friday, March 18, 2005

inspirational too

i was reading sabrina's newest book (again) tonight and came across things she had written that struck true with me. things i could take to my own heart and really think about. not that this has never happened before, it's why i love her books so much, but for some reason they hit harder this time. on one page she discusses the things she is carrying and the one that made my eyes well up was:

"i carry the dream of you before i knew you"

it makes me cry now, just typing it out. that dream was so pure, nothing went wrong in that dream. he existed as perfection, true love, someone to hold and trust, someone true.

i sometimes hate the fact that i'm a romantic at heart because i will always be let down. i think up these grand things in my head yet i know they will never happen. grand doesn't necessarily mean big to me, huge gestures. grand could be a plastic ring out of a gumball machine or a keychain with my name on it. or grand could be saying you're sorry, admitting you messed up.

another thought in her book was:

"i know it must all be a me space and my own time again, after so long. time to get some perspective, look at my own life with room around the edges."

i do believe that everything happens for a reason, therefore what i'm going through has got to be a window or door to something greater. i suppose i'm an optimist too otherwise i would have said that window or door could be leading me to more unhappiness. we shall see.

thirdly, sabrina quoted joseph campbell and this is a quote i have got to take to heart, really think about:

"we must be willing to get rid of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." - jopseph campbell

why is it that pain is what makes us grow, like happiness puts blinders on us?