Tuesday, April 27, 2004

they're out to get me

while i'm on the topic of animals, i thought i'd seize the opportunity of a slow down in my work to talk about some encounters i've had with creatures, big and small.

when i was small, very small, single digits, i went to a public pool with some friends and their parents. i imagine i was having a gay old time, small details stand out in my head like how green the grass was. i don't remember the actual incident, everything i've heard is based on an account from my mom. apparently as i was frolicking in the sunshine and splashing in the water a beastly bee set its sites on me. i'm sure its plan of attack was well thought out, and it moved with such stealth i never stood a chance. i arrived home with a giant red, swollen, welty bump right between my eyes. that bee had damn good aim.

still lingering in the single digit age group, the next event would scar me for life. my parents took me out to a petting zoo so i could play with animals and get covered in goat spit. i took a liking to the bunnies, what little girl wouldn't? i was given some carrots and lettuce to feast them with. the carrots went pretty fast and the sad lettuce lay in my hand untouched, until one bunny took notice. i imagine him a shy bunny, didn't really hang with any of the others, wasn't accepted, you know? this of course made him an angry bunny, a vengeful bunny. he hoped over to my lettuce offering and slowly reached for it with his mouth....SNAP, he took my finger with it removing a little chunk from the tip. this bunny was carnivorous. i was taken to the first aid station where i didn't cry as they cleaned up my gash, i was given a green lollipop as a reward. damn straight.

florida, double digits. i was sitting in my grandparents spare bedroom, kate & i's summer home away from home. we were watching t.v., most likely 'nick at night' (we were huge 'monkees' fans). i felt peckish, needed a snack to go along with my tube watching. i stood up and walked passed kate, she shrieked "ewwwww, there's a roach on your back!" i freaked, me and roaches, we don't jive. i tore through that apartment ripping my shirt off just praying it didn't touch my bare skin. my grandma was yelling at me to "calm down, what's the matter?" while kate ran after me laughing "there's a cockroach on her". man, it was a big one. the cats loved to catch them on the balcony and bring them inside to add to their toy collection. we found the little bugger on my grandparents bedroom floor, it just lay there all smug and dying. i swear i heard it say with it's last breath "i got you man, i'm gross and i got you".

the teen years. we were on a fam trip traveling through california (my parents always took us on kick ass trips) and were in san diego at the time of my next heinous encounter. we decided to hit up sea world for a day of entertainment, it was a hot as hell day. we ended up at the dolphin tank where you could actually feed them. we were all over that, so we had to handle stinky dead fish, it was worth it! we found a clearing and claimed our spots, mom & dad bought us each a cup of fish death. i stood there waiting for a dolphin to come by, it was pretty crowded. finally, i was spotted. the guy came swimming over to me and hung out for a while, i gave him a fish or two and he remained there, staring at me. i wanted to be fair to the other dolphins so i said "you have to share buddy", but he wouldn't leave. so, i figured i'd give him my last fish body since he was clearly my new best friend. i couldn't have been more wrong. it became quite clear what he wanted from me as i handed him the final fish. it felt like slow motion as i slid my hand towards the water, fish balanced on the tip of my fingers. his jaw snapped shut trapping my middle finger somewhere in the realm of his back teeth. he began to swim away. i had no choice but to tear my hand from his grasp. i held my hand tight, a couple who had just arrived at the tank saw it all go down, they watched me. blood began to trickle through my fingers and down my arm, they handed their fish to someone else and walked away. i made it to a washroom where i threw up due to the combo of intense heat, fish smell, and a damn hell ass deep gash in the same finger the carnivorous bunny took a piece of. i still like dolphins though.

last one, in my twenties. i was visiting my fam in australia, it was a surprise for my dad's 50th birthday. we took a road trip to melbourne (they live in sydney) where we had rented a cute little hotel/townhouse thingy. one night, after a long day wandering, we all sat and watched hilarious aussie sitcoms. my dad's laptop was on the couch beside me and he came over to move it so he could sit down. as he picked it up i saw something move out the corner of my eye, i just figured it was......i don't know what the heck i thought it was. i looked down and the moving thing was now on my leg. "oh wow" i thought, i've never had a scorpion on my leg before.

the end.


i love animals, perhaps more than people. it doesn't seem fair that i'm allergic to them.

i have always had pets, since i was sporting diapers, but i guess that didn't help me become immune. i remember having an allergy test done when i was about 13 maybe, they stuck my arm full of pin holes then dabbed the liquid form of cats, dogs, trees, and dust onto the holes. I sat there for what felt like an hour until the doctor came back in, took a look at the lack of action in the pin holes and declared "looks like it didn't work". this meant they had to try a different method. out came a box, a mysterious box with a translucent lid that teased me with unknown forms lurking inside. when the lid opened up and i saw 20 or so syringes layed out in their own compartments, i stopped breathing. this was my fear going into the appointment, i hated needles.

my mom was there to relax me but come on, i was having trees and cats injected into my bloodstream. when it was all over and my other arm was full of holes, i waited. this time it worked! a few of the holes became red around the outside, as if they were blushing, i was told this meant i was allergic to that certain injection. on a scale of 1 to 4 they tallied my results, 1 being "don't worry, it might cause a sneeze but that's it" and 4 being "stay away at all costs this could kill you till you die from it". i hit a 3 for both cats and dogs.

my mom told the doctor that we had 2 cats and 2 dogs at home, what should we do? he said they should be fine but when they die, don't get new ones. screw him! we didn't really listen, we kept buying pets.

i seemed fine with our pets, i guess i had built a sort of immunity towards them. that all changed once i moved out. my body got used to not being around animals so now whenever i go over to my parents house i have to drug up first. if i don't pop my antihistamine i go crazy with itchy throat, intense sneezing, watery eyes, the works! i'm a real beauty queen by the end of the visit. as if i could go over there and NOT play with the dogs, how can i resist this and this? i ask you, how?

i'm heading over there tonight to hang out with kate and i've got my bottle of drugs ready to go. i'll need it because i'm spending the night and when i spend the night i always have a dog or two curled up with me.

Monday, April 26, 2004



that 1/2 day off on friday was fantastic, it felt hella good! starr and i met up with daren for lunch then hit the pavement. it was chilly but sunny so as long as we stayed out of the shadows of skyscrapers, we were ace.

saturday was another glorious sunny day. i started off with a small bit of cleaning, those patio doors of ours were killer filthy and now they shine with such a sparkle. damian was stuck working so starr and i hit the pavement once again. you know you're an adult when a spree for you is:

* a new shower curtain
* new soap dispensor/toothbrush holder/cup set
* new garbage can for the washroom
* new crisp white bedsheets (they make me feel like i'm in a hotel)

that's what i shopped for. i try to shop for clothes but i can't stand anything i see, i like pockets on the back of my pants dammit! and, can i please have a t-shirt WITHOUT some sort of faux retro logo or ad on it? anyways, after the mad home decor spree we headed over to 'the black bull' for cocktails on the patio. it was so effin nice! i even got colour (a nice shade of red) on my face (mainly my nose).

sunday brought the rain but that was fine. i had spent enough money already, starr was working, and damian was working....again. so, i sat on the floor and played with jewellery this & that. i made something i was quite happy with and will be making more & more & more (you'll see soon enough). i also took a bit of a break to make a favourite treat of damian & starr's.......chocolate peanut butter balls.

that's what you're seeing in the camera phone photo up there, the luscious pb balls chillin'.

i have to admit something, i just wrote out a guided tour of my fridge and then erased it. this is how bored i am at work. i'm dying here, i'm so un-stimulated that i swear i get dumber by the day.

Friday, April 23, 2004

outta here

i'm leaving work NOW! 1/2 a day vacation and i'm all a bundle of joy. of course as soon as i try to leave someone or something will stop me, it's always the way isn't it?

i'm going to do lunch and shopping things with my best girl who also has the day off.

p.s. i have the theme from the o.c. in my head.

Tuesday, April 20, 2004

how precious


kate took this pic of jackson (1 of 2 labs my parents have). both dogs are camera ho's, they see a camera, they pose.

Friday, April 16, 2004


damian scored some tickets from his dad to tonight's game and i will be representing big time with my custom made purse. of course it was made by my stellar partner in accessories crime, who else?

kate made one of these cutie bags for my sis-in-law a while back and decided, just this week, that she should make one for herself. she figured she should be supporting the team during playoffs and rather than cease leg shaving or changing her underwear, she'd carry a snazz purse. way to go kate, not only is it hygienic, it's also practical!

now i've stolen (err, borrowed) it for tonight.

Thursday, April 15, 2004

luck be a lady(bug)

i've been in a wee bit of a funk the past few days, that's why there's been a lack in entries. i wanted to spare this journal my rants and raves about the hate i have for my day job.

i'm still in said funk but it feels like it might be phasing out. it's thursday, it's sunny, and i plan on taking a 1/2 day vacation tomorrow to enjoy the 16 degree weather they're calling for. of course i plan on spending some of that time inside. i'm still up in the air about it all but i think a bit of canvas gazing might make me feel a tad better.

this morning as i was putting on my boots i noticed a speck on the floor. i bent over to pick up what i thought was dirt and was a little shocked when it walked away from me. it was a ladybug, out for a morning stretch on my front hall tiles. a sign of spring most definitely but how did he/she get there? i was going to pick it up and bring it outside with me to set it free but when i turned around to get him/her after grabbing my keys, he/she was gone....vanished! i thought maybe he/she went for a little fly around the family room, check out the DVD collection etc. so i left. when i got on the subway i pulled out my mag and started to read. for some reason i looked down, beyond the magazine and onto my bag. who did i see crawling along my bag? ladybug. whether or not this was the same ladybug i will never know, but i'd like to think it was.....my little stowaway.

i've started a new line of jewellery called "faerytales" and the first piece is up at our store. each piece will have "faery dust" in it's box and a special tag drawn by me.

Friday, April 09, 2004

that unfamiliar yellow ball

looks like we scored one hell of a sweet day to kick off this long weekend..........the sun is out! it's so strange, i can't work it through my head. let's see, we have a day off right? and it's sunny, not raining? well i guess it's simple enough to understand but it's just that it's so rare.

we plan on spending this lucious day in the only place a lucious day should be spent, the movies.

Thursday, April 08, 2004

biker d and the vanilla lady


my hubby bought a motorcycle, i am now the wife of a biker!

photo #1:
(taken by starr on my camera phone) there he is, all proud on his new ride. oh look, there's the side of my bum in the left hand margin.

photo #2:
(by me, camera phone again) my sexy boy smiling large and feeling all rockstar....even his helmet hair is cute.

i took more pictures with my SLR camera but i have to get them developed then they'll be up. have you ever been so excited for someone because they are so excited? like it rubs off on you? that's how i felt as he showed us how he looked ripping up the street. it put me in a good mood this morning when i saw him getting all geared up to ride his bike to work for the first time.

a few things contributed to my current good mood today actually. first of all, it's a long weekend so today is like friday and that puts a jump in my step. then, when i walked outside this morning i was struck by the most glorious pink sky hovering over the cn tower (toronto's sky is so totally "in"). it was almost as if you could feel it, a warm glow. if it were a flavour it would have been raspberries and cream. the final thing (so far) was the lady who came up and stood beside me at the red light across from my office.

i work in an ugly area, it's rather industrial and very dirty. it's rare that you would come across anything of much beauty (unless you count the strip club a few doors down). this morning i did (encountered beauty, not the strip club that is). i saw the woman approaching from the corner of my eye, she stopped and stood beside me quite close. at first i thought "why stand so close? this sidewalk is big enough for both of us twice over" but then a breeze picked up and i could smell the most wonderful vanilla scent and hear her humming a little song.

hopefully my day keeps going in the direction of good and the rain doesn't start until i'm in my bed.

oh, if you're a crafty lady you have to check out the new site 'the switchboards'. it's a great site with a forum for crafty biz discussions.

Wednesday, April 07, 2004

stronger than your dad

in my office, there are brownies. brownies are my weakness. i passed by them, glanced in their general direction and shot them a telepathic message from my hips:

"today you loose the battle"

i don't think i've ever passed up a brownie before, this is a landmark day.


i wanted this journal to be lighthearted, i didn't want to discuss horrid things and be a downer. i wanted it to be fun, arty, babbling nothingness, but this is too unsettling to ignore, this is something that is really bothering me lately and i had to let it out. it's, the state of my eyebrows.

you see, last time i went to get them beautified i was placed with the most masochistic waxer i've ever encountered. first of all i don't think the wax was warm enough, the sting after the tearing was something i would only wish on my worst enemy (like vin diesel or that kid who called me dumbo in grade school). i think her idea of removing unsightly hair was to remove 3 layers of skin along with it.

second of all, she ripped my brows nearly clean off. they were so thin and they rested just above the center of my eye. you know how your brow bone naturally curves down and ends up creating your nose? you know how your eyebrows tend to follow that curve? she took that away from me. i had charlie chaplin's moustache for a set of eyebrows........only frighteningly thin!

today, a month or so after the event, i am not as bald. i've been growing them back to their former curvaceous selves and it's not pretty. it's like growing out your hair only you can't resort to a ponytail. i'm going to have to give them another week or so and then i should be ready to hit the salon. i will NOT be going to the same demon lady, that's for certain. instead i will go where i usually went before i tried a new place. i will cherish the day.

Monday, April 05, 2004

a trick of the eye

it looks positively gorgeous outside but it's a scam. in actuality it's 0 degrees but feels like -8 (celcius), that's right, it's colder than a witches tit. did someone forget to pay ontario's heating bill? this is a bit too ridiculous.

all i can do is make a list of warm weather pleasures to try to get my mind off it. things i love about summer.

~ heading over to my parents house to spend the day playing with the puppies and sitting by (and in) the pool. this usually involves cocktails and a bbq too.

~ nightime walks in the city

~ no coats when going to the bar

~ produce shopping at the market

~ working at the market

~ spontanious late night treat outings to dutch dreams (i'm not a fan of ice cream but their sorbet is scrumptious)

~ barefeet

~ swingsets

~ open windows

~ the smell of grass

~ sprinklers

~ popsicles with fruit in them

Saturday, April 03, 2004

champagne fun dip

my mom (people say she looks like jen aniston in this photo)

i have the coolest mom! she's more like a best friend/mom, we get a long so well and always have. of course i went through that stage (in high school) where she didn't want to be seen with me if i were wearing my ripped jeans and plaid shirt (the grunge phase of my youth) but every one goes through that right? a phase?

anyway, tonight damian & i are over at my parents place for a kick ass dinner (she's also the most amazing cook). she made ribs for the carnivores and a veggie puff pastry pie for kate & i. we've been drinking really good champagne and laughing like mad, you can't help but laugh when you're around my parents.

okay, let me be honest here, my mom & i are the ones drinking most of the champagne. my dad & kate's boyfriend are into the beer, damian is into his gin mixtures, and kate......i'm not sure what kate's drinking, perhaps nothing. my mom and i have clearly dis-respected the Pol Roger name by dipping lik-m-aid sticks into it to create more bubbles and a mightier powder adherence factor. it was all my mom, i swear. i was sipping my champagne like a lady when i looked over at my mom who was dipping the candy stick into her fluted glass. she caught my eye.

"it's good, it makes the powder stick better" said my mom.
"really?" i asked.
"try it, you'll see" answered mom.

i did, and she was right, the cherry flavoured sugar powder clung onto that candied stick for dear life.

right now as i type this in the basement they are all upstairs playing black jack. i can hear the "yeah, in your face" and "whoo hoo, i cleaned house" screams rattling through the floor. i suppose i should head back upstairs as my glass is empty and i can hear my name being called. goodnight.

Friday, April 02, 2004


yup, that brilliant self portrait taken with my camera phone pretty much sums up my attitude towards this moment in time. i'm at work, longing to head out to hit the weekend up for some fun, the phone won't stop ringing (such is the reality when one is a receptionist), and it hasn't stopped raining since, what, sunday?

the half wriggling/half footprint worm bodies that pepper the sidewalks are becomming a little excessive. we're all going to float away.